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Physics World, November 1995, page 84.

Physics and the single girl
Sharon Ann Holgate

   I have noticed over the last few years how it has become increasingly fashionable for people to air their private confessions on television chat shows. Indeed, we have now gone one stage further and turned it into prime time entertainment. I, however, have decided to make my own confession to a more select audience.

   It all started quite innocently - as most things do. My choice of third-year project led me into the cathodoluminescence laboratory. There he was, in the corner. Tall, grey, distinguished. Together we had the potential to produce some amazing results. Unfortunately, with my being young and inexperienced in these matters, neither of us quite received the satisfaction we were looking for, and we eventually parted company.

   However, soon after beginning my PhD, I was introduced to his friend, who was in the thermoluminescence laboratory. Younger, and with a more athletic appearance, I was instantly attracted to him. This time, he was almost all dark, with only the odd bits of grey here and there. After a few very tentative encounters, true love blossomed and we began an affair.

   To begin with he was very awkward. I wasn't at all sure how I should approach him, and the slightest mistake on my part would incur the full wrath of his anger. It became quite normal for me to go home of an evening, feeling as though I had achieved nothing that day, having spent the whole time dealing entirely with his changeable moods.

   Talking to friends and relatives didn't seem to help much. They couldn't understand why I would want to continue a relationship that was making me so unhappy. Fortunately, a couple of colleagues at work, who had been in exactly the same situation themselves, came to my rescue. They told me that while I shouldn't rush into a serious relationship, particularly as we worked in the same place, if I really felt that I could eventually get something good out of it I should take my time and things would be fine.

   I took their advice and decided not to pack my bags. Day after day I gradually perfected how to handle him. I discovered that all he really needed was some tender loving care. At first I assumed he shut himself off from the outside world out of malicious intent, but soon realized it was usually due to his having suffered some form of injury, and therefore being unable to work to his full potential. This seemed to upset him, and on particularly bad days I even heard cries of anguish coming from the lab. Although his friends in the workshop usually tend to be more of a comfort than me on these occasions, I do try my best to help.

   What about the positive side of our relationship? It may sound big-headed, but I feel that I help to make his existence worthwhile. In return, he gives me wonderful presents. I know I shouldn't be too materialistic, but these are beautiful pictures, often with a hidden meaning. And although it can take quite some time to realize what the hidden message is, it's fun trying to find out.

   Our relationship has also helped me to develop personally. I have become more patient, and have realized that I cannot always control what happens in the future. We now work very well together, and in a spirit of co-operation we have even managed to accomplish some good work. However, I do tend to find that I seem to get left having to do all the interpretation and writing-up of our work, while he gets on with the practical side of things. I don't mind too much, but it would be useful if he could help me to think sometimes. It would also help if he was more thorough, and didn't just stop what he was doing in the middle of sample runs - but these are minor grievances.

   However, there is one major problem that I feel less able to deal with. He is unfaithful to me. I know it for a fact. It was the little things that were out of place that first led me to suspect someone else was spending time in my shoes. Somehow I'll have to find it in my heart to forgive him, because he means so much to me. In fact, when I was unwell for a few weeks earlier this year and unable to see him, I was amazed how much I missed him humming away in the corner of the lab.

   I think the main reason for the enduring nature of our relationship is that, unlike a lot of partners, he doesn't answer me back. It is also very easy for me to keep him happy - massaging in the odd bit of oil or grease seems to work wonders. I don't even have to put up with him ringing me up when I'm in the middle of working/washing my hair/having a bath, and if I don't want to see him for a week he doesn't moan about it.

   The only thing the thermoluminescence machine does seem to have in common with his human male counterparts is an ability to soak up money on the latest technological gadgetry. I hope he enjoys having the new closed-circuit TV my supervisor has just bought him. At least in this case it's something I can benefit from too.

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